Are You Excited Yet?

Well, this is certainly beginning to look like a GREAT year for the Ultra-Right Wing. Big bucks coming in and everybody besides us doesn't even know who they are or what they represent. I'm getting ready for a new ride. You think they'll let me drive the thing? Probably not, but it won't hurt to ask. After all, I will be the new Commander-in-Chief.

I'm so confident that I'm gonna win this thing that I'm gonna let you in on a couple of HUGE secrets. Good thing this blog is just between you and I, right?

1) I'm going to press congress to remove all references to "Church and State" from the Constitution, Gettysburg Address, Declaration of Indefendence and cereal boxes across America. We've been a secular government for far too long and it's time to move in another direction. (Besides, a Helluva lot of money is coming in from Acolytica & EvCross America -- in excess of $2 billion -- and many more religious organizations.)

2) This election will be last in America where we will allow any type of Liberal political parties. With funding from the MTLTA SuperPAC, we've already structured all Conservatives into two parties, the Centrists (PCNP) and the Right Wing (AWNP), and there is no need to muddy the waters with a third

Vote often this November and I'll see you in Washington on January 20!

Em

What I'll Do As Governor

In case you haven't heard, I'm officially on the Colorado ballot this November as a candidate for governor. I'm happily running on the AWNP* ticket. Some people are surprised at this, but most of the people I know well are not.

"Good on ya, Em!"

I hear it two or three times a day. If that's any indicator, I should storm into office on about 2 1/2% of the vote. Don't laugh, I think it will be enough. And if I don't, I've got a plan there, too.

One thing we hear a lot this election year is "Why the hell are the conservatives putting idiots on the ballot to run against the Democrat? Don't they know they haven't got a chance?"

Hell yes, of course we know that, but we have a plan!

Listen everybody knows that the economy is going to suck for a long time since GWB encouraged thievery and graft by deregulating everything so all those little buggers trying to scramble up StevesBigList would have less to worry about (an more to owe conservative politicians.)

Colorado is really prime for our strategy because our good friend, and fellow URWN, Dougie BoomBoom has illegally gotten three measures on the ballot that will destroy the fiscal functionality of Colorado governments for decades.

Here is the main point to this: If we give the election over to the Dems without seeming to give it over, the whole collapse of city, county and state government in Colorado will be perceived to the THEIR FAULT for decades.

"Good plan, Em, but what if you do win?"

If (and that's a little if, not a big one, because I'm confident I can do this job... Hell, I ran for president in 2008, remember?) I am elected governor of the majestic state of Colorado, here is my first week in office:

1. Prepare a series of 208 weekly press releases explaining why the fiscal collapse of Colorado governments is not my fault, but my predecessors.
2. Ease the immigration problem by putting 24 hour guards at every highway, street, road, bike path and dirt trail crossing our borders.
3. Revoke the ordinances that make Boulder-Springs Metroplex a sanctuary for illegal immigrants.
4. Fund step number 2 by closing 60% of the schools. Hell, the only jobs left in the state will be border guards and we can train them in 8 weeks. The other 40% will be reserved for training corporate lawyers, CEOs, and the little guys in the cubicles who write the deceptive, but barely legal, language on bank statements, warranties, and a million other things.
5. Save money by shutting down all the water treatment plants in the state. Let people drink bottled water -- hell, somebody can make a profit at that! If they can't afford bottled water, let 'em drink store brand sodas.

That's pretty much it for now. I'm sure I'll think of more before election time with even more brilliant ideas.


*American Wing Nut Western National Party -- we started out as Tea Party, but hell that doesn't work for two reasons. a) Tea parties are for women and little girls, and b) a real redneck doesn't drink tea.

3 Questions: Senate Confirmations

People have been asking me a lot of questions about how we approach the senate confirmation of presidential appointees. You know, supreme court judges, cabinet guys, all that stuff.

I just want to let you all know that it's simple. From the Republican point of view, we have only three questions for any nominee.

1) Can you be bought? This one is important to most of us with an (R) behind our names. If you can't be bought, you can't be trusted to do the right thing.

2) How many guns do you own? Say what you will, but we all know that it's the gun lobby that keeps Americans truly free.

3) Do you know you'll go to hell if you don't see things our way? Everybody in the universe knows that the Good Lord is a Republican.

Now, get out there and find us some real nominees!

Em

Sniffin' the winds of change

Today's a big day around the country. After a year of liberal chaos we're about to take the temperature of the new America. Throughout the country URWs have been shoving the pretenders out of contention in local elections.

Hell, I know that we're supposed to be for LOCAL control, but this is different. Addy and the boys taught us in 1933 that LOCAL control only works when the local pols are ridin' the right set of tracks, and we know damned well that MODERATION is NOT the right set of tracks to be ridin'.

We're fighting an uphill battle, boys, and it's gonna continue. When those local RINO leaders step out of line, by God we've got to set them straight. We've got to keep more of our people from joining that upstart PNCP

Some people have questioned the decision to put me at the head of our party's URW faction. They wonder what some flyover country "bumpkin" is gonna do for them. I'll tell you.

The majority of real Americans, the true conservatives come from flyover country. Nebraska, Kansas, Texas, Oklahoma, and of course my home state, Colorado, are just a few of what the liberal media call the Red states.

They, I'm talking about all the media except for OUR network, thought they could piss us off by calling us Reds. Red state this, and Red state that. Well, I'll tell you, we just shoved it back in their faces.

1. Red starts with 'R' and so does RIGHT.
2. There is a reason people call us the RIGHT, it's because we ARE.
3. 'R' is also the beginning letter of our party's name. OK, we were originally the Tories, but that was a hell of a long time ago. Back when we had a real king, and people respected us for what we had.
4. The final reason being called Red states works for us is that 'R' is also the beginning letter of the word REAL. That's who we are, the party of REAL Americans.

Over the next few weeks we're going to use this blog to do some education. We're going to analyze the constitution and tell you what that stuff really means. We're going to tell you everything you need to know to get back on track.

For today. Let's just hope this wave of change succeeds.