Sunday, November 20, 2011

What's With the Crappy Old Building?

Question:
A question that came into our campaign office recently. Just a second --- What do you mean WHAT campaign office? Haven't you been paying attention? --- but as usual, I digress.

The REAL question is:

"Background check: You used to have a picture of a really nice mansion in the background, and now you have some ancient piece of crap. Why? Is there some special symbolism to it?"

Answer:
You had me going there. I turned around and looked behind me to see what the heck you were talking about then I realized you were asking about the website background. Well, I'm not exactly happy with it either, but here is what my advisers tell me to say: (the little dots, they tell me, mean that these are talking points)
  • There's been a lot of pissing and moaning about rich people lately, and so we changed the picture so we're not so much about an air of affluence with the campaign. (Whatever the hell an air of affluence means. Jeeze, affluence? Is that like when you have bad gas? Oh, sorry, that's effluence, I think.)
  • There's been a lot of pissing and moaning by rich people about people who aren't rich, and we figured we'd make them happy by telling them that government (I always thought that was govmint) is on the way out, as obsolete and decrepit as that old building.
  • There's been a lot of pissing and moaning by everybody that says people in congress can't get anthing done. Hell no, they can't. They're not supposed to. Getting things done would piss off all the people who pay congress not to get anything done.
That's all for now. Hope it's all as clear to you as 18 minutes on a Nixon tape.

Next time: Vice Presidential Choices.

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